Sad and beautiful all at once...

The evening before Thanksgiving, Chw took us to dinner. It was his noble gesture, knowing how exhausted I was from cooking. I was absolutely willing to take him on it... 

I was so grateful for the break, and for someone else to do the cooking and cleaning for an evening that spirits were pretty high. Then, while Genny and I bantered about something that evades me now, I looked over into the restaurants party room and suddenly began to cry. 

The party room had been rented for a girl's baby shower. In her early 20's, the young soon-to-be-mom was heavy with baby and absolutely radiating. The room was decorated with pink streamers, and atop the 8 tables there were scattered rattles and bottles for decor. Over all, it was a super cute shower complete with an adorable pink cake and a 2 table buffet line crammed full of homemade mexican food. The young momma sat in the room, chatting with 2 ladies- one I presumed was her mom. The other was obviously the one throwing the shower as about 15 minutes later- and checking her watch for the 40th time, she got up and grabbed the bucket she'd used to store her baby shower games... 

Aside from those 2 people, no one had come to her shower. 

I asked our waitress about it and she shared that the pregnant momma actually worked back in the kitchen. She said that it was really a sad thing because she was super supportive and always attending everything everyone else hosted, and that she knew for a fact that at least 12 "friends" had RSVP'd for this shower. And yet, no one showed. While our waitress told us that most of the girls on duty that night had brought in a little gift for her, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to point out that a handful of girls on a waitress salary aren't going to meet the needs this new mom has. And with the purpose of a baby shower being to shower that new mom with love- I'm thinking she didn't feel very loved as she sat staring at those empty and adorned tables in that suddenly enormous room. 

My heart was so sad for her. 

Her heart- on the other hand- at least on the outside, was fine. 

She smiled and truly glowed up until she packed up her gifts and turned off the light... 

A matter of persuasion...

Actually, i don't carry a purse. I carry a handbag. I just think it sounds better. Purse is something one does with their lips when thinking, or criticizing... My best friend carries a pocketbook, which incidently is something I feel I carry in my handbag, to write in. 

I'm special... 

Anyway, last week when I got the last minute call to head down to the federal building where my daughter Amanda was swearing in for the Reserves, i made the rash decision to dump out my handbag so that it only contained my wallet and my canon rebel. You know, I take pictures of everything, and it just seemed easier when considering security. 

Hours later, when we got home, Genny glances the bar where my handbags insides sat piled high and she laughed- "Is that what came out of your purse? Really? You should kinda tone it down to one or two of each." 

I totally see what she's saying...

*DISCLAIMER... I am moderately embarrassed... I feel like this post leaves my OCD tendencies completely vulnerable- until the last photo anyway, when I have a ridiculous amount of unnoticed hair lingering on my hair tie... *sigh*

Better safe than sorry, right? 

What do you A) call your handbag, and B) carry too much of, wherever you go? 

when the gobble is gone...

We truly had a beautiful four day weekend to be thankful for. The sun was shining, spirits were overall high and I, personally, found myself sitting back on multiple occasions- reflecting on how truly blessed my life is... 

For dinner, on Thursday, we had my sister and her kids, Amanda's biological sister Bekah (who is very much a beautiful part of our family! We adore her!) and Amanda's good friend Zach too. It was small compared to what we are used to, but really lovely. Aside from the youngest kids running around and playing, it was quiet too- which was needed. 

So grateful... 

Chw and I went out, at four in the morning, on a Black Friday mission. Half was to capture an amazing deal, that was NOT captured. I did however decide I probably won't be shopping at our local Michaels ever again. We did manage a few deals, pick up a few gifts and enter a drawing for an iPad. I'm secretly keeping my fingers crossed while he is being uncharacteristically naive about the whole thing. *smile*

On Saturday Chw's best friend (since he was about 7) and his wife were in town and we got to hang out with them. We went to lunch, hung out for a good amount of time and saw a movie. While I have no photos, (*frown*) I can say we loved seeing them... 

Sidenote- while we were hanging with them, our good friend had the fortune of selling hunting tags to Matthew Fox and his brother. She is one lucky girl... 

Other Sidenote- I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Muppets! GREAT movie! 

All in all, a lovely weekend... Today was a bit family rocky, but whatever- at least the holiday wasn't... Nothing quite drastic enough to dampen my gratitude... 

Right now I am grateful that school resumes tomorrow... 

How was your Thanksgiving? 

The G word...

Intentionally...

ALWAYS...

Regardless of life's current circumstances... 

Happiness, Peace, Growth and fulfillment all rest within

the Gratitude... 

Be Grateful... 

I am. 

While browsing do you ever just stumble across something that absolutely changes or challenges the way you currently do things? I am a big meal planner. I've talked about that before. I love the process of it, love the recipe searches, etc. 

What I haven't really talked about though, is life. How life kind of complicates meal planning sometimes. How unexpected plans result in take out, or a migraine of mine inspires my husband to make something completely different and simple- and honestly after a day full of working I don't blame him. What happens though, is that things inevitably waste. 

It's sad. 

It isn't prudent. It certainly is not practical... 

And then, one afternoon last week I came across this post in my reader. It's amazing... 

Call me naive but I feel like this is the post that could change the entire way that my days function. The amount of time it frees up almost gave me chills. 

Yes, I am dead serious... 

After Thanksgiving- (because I am the girl who needs time to change- time to adapt to such things... And because I ordered the book and I need it to arrive) or maybe before, if the copy i requested through the Library comes in... 

I am excited though, because it is flexible... 

It will waste less. 

It sounds like the perfect compromise between cooking, and not... 

It sounds simple.

God knows my life needs a lot more simple... 

What are your thoughts on the plan? 

If you were to adapt a similar domestic strategy, what staple items would you always have on hand, in the freezer/pantry? 

Have a Little Faith...

Our family had the privilege of screening the newest Hallmark Hall of Fame movie, based on Mitch Albom's Have a Little Faith. We nestled down with our blankets and our Poppycock, ready to see something heartwarming and family friendly... 

When Albom's 82 year old former rabbi approaches him, at a book signing, and asks him to write and deliver his eulogy- Mitch's life begins to change in insurmountable ways. Having drifted from his Jewish religion, Mitch feels overwhelmed and inadequate for such a task. Still though, in searching for why the rabbi would ask him in the first place- Mitch begins to spend time probing and getting to know the man behind the rabbi he revered and feared as boy. The more their relationship grows and old man speaks of life and love and doing things for others- the more Mitch himself begins to see that a change is necessary in him. As a sports writer for the Detroit Free Press, where sports had replaced his childhood instilled need for religion, Mitch begins to see that maybe there is a hole in his life that hasn't been filled. Enter God... 

Parallel to Mitch's building relationship with his rabbi, there is the history of Henry Covington. As a boy in the projects of Brooklyn, Henry was taught to love Jesus as well as the fine art of hustling. Growing up poor and being broken more and more by the hardness of life- Henry's path led him down a rough road. Eventually his choices got the better of him and one night he finally saw his life for the hopeless mess he'd made it. Completely broken and empty and on the verge of death- Henry finally prayed for his life to be spared. Enter God...

Weaving back and forth between Henry's past and Mitch's present, the film shows us two completely different lives. Race. Religion. Backgrounds. Everything... And yet, the two of them come together despite all odds, and amazing friendship -which affects the lives of countless people- is born. 

In a poignant way, Have a Little Faith teaches us the importance of breaking down stereotype barriers and loving people- no matter what. Despite the details of the two faiths this film chronicles, it isn't a movie about religion at all. It is a film about faith in ourselves and others, a story about friendship and love... It is a true story to encourage us that it's never too hopeless, or too late, to get up and fix our lives. It is a beautiful story full of hope and encouragement. I can't encourage you enough to watch it when it airs on ABC, on Sunday the 27th.

In correlation with the film airing this Sunday, I have been given the opportunity to host a giveaway for Mitch's book Have a Little Faith. To enter, simply leave a comment... 

Can I get a side of vampy cheesiness...

We get to the theater last night, many hours too early, to find that there is already a fairly significant line for Breaking Dawn. We always buy the midnight tickets and we always forget what a hassle the line part is, on both the body and the nerves, until we get in the position to once again stand in it. 

In less than three minutes we are moderately annoyed by the bizzaro middle school behavior emerging from adults, so when an usher steps to the front of the line and announces that if you purchase tickets to ANY movie, they'll let you keep your seats- we purchased tickets to the next showing. 

Incidentally that was Paranormal Activity 3. SQUEE... I was a big chicken as Chw and i made up the entire audience of that showing. At any rate- I survived and had an ultra comfy reclining seat to show for it. IN FACT, we were scheduled to see BD with friends and when they arrived the manager USHERED them past the line, and into our theater. How cool is that? Like they were celebrities- all because we bought tickets to a movie. 

Definitely recommend doing that the next time. 

In other news, unfortunately PA3 was the first movie we paid full price for tickets to, in probably 3 years. Ouch... 

As for Breaking Dawn, My official assessment would be that- 

-the music is awkward more often than not THOUGH I loved the wedding music. It was a mostly instrumental compilation of music from the other 3 films- which i adored. It is the little details that count, you know... 

- the first 20ish minutes are ULTRA cheesy, to the nauseating degree. 

- the rest of the movie is actually really fantastic. 

- yes, i hated to the book and enjoyed the movie- odd... 

- they did an amazing job with Kstew... 

- Kstew outdid herself and did a great job too. (shock, shock) 

- TL should have kept the facial hair. 

- I more than enjoyed it, i loved it. Can't wait for part 2. 

- The end... 

So, have you seen it? 

Sea Change...

Blogher Book Club's newest title is Sea Change by Jeremy Page. I was compensated for this blogher book club review, but all views and opinions expressed are my own. 

Guy and his wife Judy form two thirds of a perfectly raw and honest family unit. Together with their four year old only daughter Freya they spend their days caught up in moments and seeking adventure- noticing the art in life's little details and cherishing the beauty that is what they have. Their worlds each wrapped up in the other's, that is, until one such adventure leads them unexpectedly into tragedy. 

Motivated by grief at what Guy perceives as the loss of everything, he takes to a life of solitude at sea. There among the waves and his solace, each night as the sun goes down it is within the pages of his diary that Guy's life truly lives as he weaves the story of what his perfect little family of threes life may have been like- had that tragic incident not occurred. 

Jeremy Page crafts a story that has such beautifully painted imagery that the reader,( in this case myself) couldn't help but be swept up in. Knowing virtually nothing about boats, life at sea or anything else relating to such things- Jeremy wrote in such a way that i felt i did. Drifting along, between Guy's reality and fantasy lives it was so easy to connect with his character in an empathetic and personal way.

Truly, every page in this books captivated me so completely. Weather I found myself caught off guard by a turn in the story or not- I loved the writing and the vivid detail, and human honesty so much that it all just came together perfectly. The way this story unfolds, poetically unpredictable proves that Jeremy Page is master among writers... 

Have a little faith...

There are foods and smells and all sorts of warm cozies that the holiday season brings about- which the majority of us find endearing. Around our house though, it honestly is the approach of Thanksgiving which gives us the warm fuzzies because we know that holiday movies are within reach. 

We Wagners love a good holiday movie! 

Have you read the book Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom? I haven't, but it is on my reading to-do list. Before I ever got the chance though, Hallmark snagged it up and made it into a holiday movie. 

Have you caught the trailer yet? 

Here... 

Amazing, right? 

Chills? For me, a little bit. Especially at the line "I came here for you but I kept coming back for me." 

I for one can't wait to see this movie. 

What do you think? 

Do you love holiday movies? What is your favorite?  

Stubborn...

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to talk about how my daughter doesn't listen. The same could be said for how i talk about my puppy too. The ironic thing is that they are both, dog and daughter, ridiculously smart. RIDICULOUSLY SMART, and yet there are things that I suspect they are simply unwilling to learn and/or obey... 

And it is so frustrating. So incredibly frustrating, and I sit back and judge both of their infuriating stubborness... 

Then, today, when i raised my voice at the wicked little puppy for the 47th time before noon- it hit me: I am no different. (well, minus the ridiculously smart part. This dog is WAY smarter than I am.) I learn the same things over and over- and yet, I am constantly in need of the same lessons again. I know what i need to do in regards to the areas of my life like financial, work/writing, home, laundry, relationships, etc- and yet. 

And yet...

*sigh*

Eh...

Usually, at this time of year i am knee deep in cookbooks and recipes, planning our Thanksgiving meal. For several years I hosted close to 30 (or over 30, one year) people in our small house. It was close knit and delicious. Last year we mixed things up a bit and decided to spend the week between Phoenix and New Mexico with family. I once again cooked, (smaller crowd) and we had a great time though the winter travel wasn't at all ideal... 

This year, with the very real possibility of my sister and her family being up north, we're entertaining the possibility of the four of us spending the day at one of our family's favorite restaurants and then going to a movie. 

I kinda love it, actually... 

Since I got over my nearly three month affair with pneumonia, (Scandalous!) I've been trying out a lot of new recipes and just trying to cook and be creative more days in a week than not- so that part of Thanksgiving just isn't interesting to me this year. 

What are your plans? Do you judge us for thinking or restauranting it? (nothing is certain, plans could change any moment.) 

Oh, snap...

"I used to take pictures all of the time." 

"What happened?" 

"Started getting paid for it and suddenly it wasn't fun anymore."

{Dialogue from Catch and Release} 

SO TRUE... 

I completely relate... 

Print sold at Monster Gallery on Etsy

Unexpected...

I decided to take part, this morning, in Gypsy Mama's 5 Minute Friday... 

GO... 

Through pregnancy tests and losses- 

through ultrasounds and clean up surgeries- 

through increasingly cautious joy and broken hearts- I never imagined... 

I would hear it- God has a plan. And I would believe. 

I knew, on that day 11 years and 19 days ago when my womb was no longer even in me- that God's plan did not involve a baby of my own. 

Less broken hearted than the loss of a child, I still ached. I also still believed. Believed in God's plan. His unforeseeable plan that I could not even imagine. 

And then, there they were... 

Unexpectedly before me, all I had to do was look up, and there were beautiful faces and voices, laughter and smiles filling my hole bored heart. 

And life changed. 

No more was I my own, could I be mine. 

Without looking for signs and proof I knew that, no matter how steep the climb or tough the interference, these were meant to be mine and I loved them as if they were, as if they had always been. 

That's the beauty of the walk- the journey. We feel our heart's aches- and God hears them. God weaves these dreams together in ways that we could never design and gives us moments and memories unexpected and glorious. 

And those moments, for me, are my kids... 

END.

Tin... Ten... Rings...

It is a bit of a backwards world we live in when the honorable gift for ten years of busting one's proverbial ass in a reconciled marriage, while also becoming parents (HARDEST JOB EVER!) and all through a craptastic economy too, is symbolized in tin and/or aluminum. 

Because, you know, what deserves a gigantic ball of wadded up Reynold's wrap? That run on sentence, and NOT my marriage... 

That's ok though. I mean, it is a completely acceptable gift for one naive 18 year old to give another naive 18 year old a ridiculously overpriced diamond, which they likely went into debt for... But ten year anniversary of your trip to hell and back? Tin-foil. Boo. Boo you, tradition. Boo you! {Think hag in the Princess Bride because THAT is what I was going for...}

My awesome husband took me to a super delish, fancy schmancy dinner and later closed the evening with an ultra romantic dessert of fondue at my all time favorite place with it's super sexy lighting and ambiance. It was a great night. It was tin free. And Aluminum free. In fact, had our waiter attempted to bring us our leftovers in the shape of a foil crafted swan, I would have thrown it in his face and demanded Styrofoam because I respect my marriage that much... 

In our nearly eighteen years (total) of marriage though, we've never given ourselves gifts. It never felt a priority. Wait, this is not true. Back in 2007 when Chw and I were in the midst of the great Anniversary date debate- {meaning I believed we should celebrate our initial date and he wanted our reconciliation date- end result being never celebrating anything...} and he tried to woo me to his side with fancy gifts like roses and T & Co. jewelry... I played fair though, and gave him nothing and I won anyway. Well, technically we both won. In the manner of fairness, we chose that year to begin to celebrate on both dates... {only moderately embarrassed that it took us six years to get to that point.} 

Anyway, the whole entire, convoluted point of this post was to tell you that we replaced our wedding rings this year. I realize how wonderfully expensive that sounds, especially following the mention of my T & Co. necklace... Alas', I LOVE our rings, and they were anything but expensive.

 "I am yours..."

"You & Me" 

{and on the inside, "Always"}

But they are unique, super cool, handmade and best of all- we can be certain no one's life was lost in the making of said rings. :) I LOVE THEM!!!! 

My honey, my baby- don't put my love upon no shelf...

If you read yesterday, you surely know about Girl's proposal adventures... 

This tale picks years after the wedding in the old church. Years after Boy and Girl found a cozy cottage to make their home. Quite some time, in fact, after Boy decided to leave Girl and things turned again flat. 

Flat and lonely. 

And Girl grew up, and found herself. She learned that she loved things (like Death Cab for Cutie and hot dogs at baseball games.) Girl learned to be happy, for happiness sake and not because someone else loved, wanted or needed her or her milk... 

But Boy came back and things got better. Boy Boy and Girl realized happily ever after isn't real, and both Boy and Girl learned to appreciate that. And in time, they decided to get married again. Together they ring shopped, wanting a fresh start. Together they were discouraged by cost versus quality- and what it all meant in the long run anyway. They wanted to focus on the important things, not the superficial so finally they chose the best quality set- for the lowest price. Boy proposed by kneeling at her doorstep, the new ring hidden within a rose. 

Both Boy and Girl truthfully hated the new rings. They were ugly and represented nothing about them. Still though, they reminded each other about true beauty, love and gratitude. Secretly though, one January day when a band of thieves in the grand forest (we'll just call it Las Angeles, you know, hypothetically) robbed Girl of her wedding set- she was a little relieved. While she loved Boy with her whole heart, she'd felt wicked and superficial despising the rings and was glad they were gone. 

Also secretly, though he'd never say it- Girl suspected Boy was jealous that his wedding band hadn't been stolen too... 

That's when she told me the story 'bout free milk and the cow...

Girl picked out her own engagement ring. 

At seventeen years of age, swept up in the romantic idea of belonging to someone as amazing as boy, it was so easy to be naive about everything that lay ahead. When Girl's family and friends remarked that she shouldn't even see the ring before the great-big-secret proposal, Girl laughed heartily at their old fashioned ways... 

Boy took girl to the location of their very first date, and popped the question. Girl said yes, of course. Girl happily wore the ring she'd chosen, though secretly she felt like everything suddenly felt flat. Flat proposal. Flat ring. Flat. Where was the elation, the wonder, the magic? Certainly not there in that dollar theater- (hey, Boy and Girl were poor college students, where'd you think their first date would be?) and certainly in the although beautiful diamond ring which she'd picked out. 

Flat. 

Bickering began between them soon there after. Their once seemingly cozy village felt suffocating. Also, no one had ever really talked to Girl about the story regarding free milk and the cow. Though she knew her small world encouraged no sharing of her cow's milk until after she was wed- she never understood why, so since she loved boy she generously shared milk and let's just say- Boy was not lactose intolerant. 

Eh hem... anyway, the bickering turned to fighting, the fighting turned to breaking up and suddenly everything that had felt flat and nothing at all like the movies or books described- was finally gone. 

Lot's of things happened to lead to weeks and weeks down the road, when Girl and friend had gone to a program in an old, historic church where Girl dreamed of being a bride someday. With friends of his own, (conspiracy?) Boy ended up there too. 

Throughout the program, Boy and Girl found eye contact before sitting beside each other. 

They found sitting beside each other before I'm sorry. 

They found I am sorry before he took her hand and slipped into her palm a little note. There, drawn at the top of the note was her ring. Below it, simply said "Marry me?" Beneath that were two boxes, one for yes and one for no. 

And there they were... The elation, the magic and the wonder. 

Girl glowed! 

Girl checked yes... 

Whack...

These days I am forced to think about the small moments as the most important ones. I feel like, in every area of my life there is some sort of issue. There isn't a relationship, aside from my marriage, that is going smoothly- and this makes me sad. I get frustrated and I just feel suffocation, like it's all out of control and coming to an end... 

But then, the sunlight streams through the trees in that gleaming way which screams reassurance. Not reassurance in one thing, but just something reassuringly beautiful. 

And I'll take it. 

I'll hold it so close to my heart that my chest becomes it's home- and I will return my palm to it every time the outside life makes me want to kick and scream and cry. 

I decided today that I'm going to do that, this week, hide myself in the little things. In the wonders and the minutes that surprise me sweetly. The big things are ugly today, and tomorrow too... Not forever, but for awhile, and if I think about that- I can't handle it... 

So, right now, it is the little things. The candy covered ground, flecked with pinata fragments- that's where you'll find me. Which is ok, because if I stand up- I am likely to get hit upside the head with the swinging bat. 

Candy is way better... 

Bieber gossip to dish, that makes my heart bleed...

I don't really listen to celebrity gossip. I don't read the magazines, I don't watch the shows. I'll have friends telling me so and so cheated on their spouses, etc- and for the most part I'll tune it out. Over the years that I worked more deeply in that industry, I just found it BEST to ignore the junk, and I still like to. 

That being said, while listening to political radio on friday I learned about this Justin Bieber baby incident. As details of the story spilled out, my blood ran cold. Not because I totally love and adore him, (though I won't lie- I do like him) but because the whole situation sits far too close to home for my comfort... 

Let me explain... 

On one hand you have the possibility that he is the baby daddy. While I'm not being naive about this, I will say that I am pretty sure he isn't- BUT- whether he could or couldn't be is not what this post is about. This post is about her, Mariah Yeater. While people all over the internet are going on and on about how she's never held down a job, lives off of state assistance and is a high school drop out- i am not going to go there either... Let's just say that hypothetically, she's lying. Maybe she wants a bit of fame. Maybe she craves the attention. Maybe she thinks this will somehow make her rich, or at the very least- bring on a bit of cash. Possible motives aside, we are assuming- hypothetically- that she's lying... 

By defending this lie, Mariah Yeater risks imprisonment for statutory rape. IMPRISONMENT! 

By defending this lie, Mariah Yeater risks losing her son permanently. 

By defending this lie, Mariah Yeater risks labeling herself a registered sex offender. 

Since we are taking the stance, hypothetically, that she's lying- the DNA test she requested will prove she's lying. There is no good outcome to this situation... 

And yet, she swears she is telling the truth. She's been caught, red handed, with her hand in the cookie jar and a whole mess of crumbs on her mouth- yet she insists she didn't take them. 

While, what likely happened is that maybe she's not the brightest Oreo in the package and she assumed because Bieber is famous (and rich) that he messes around. She probably rented the movie and decided, upon watching it, that since her favorite color is purple too- that she should have half his money. She probably thought that he would be so ready to shut her up that he'd just pay her to be quiet. But that didn't happen... And no matter how badly this ship's going down- she is going to psychotically pretend it isn't... 

wondering where i'm going with this? Those of you who have seen my daily, non-blog life have likely already figured it out. 

Mariah Yeater is a frightening 8 yr-glimpse-in the future of my Genny. 

My Genny the pathological liar who, although insanely brilliant, doesn't think through the consequences of her decisions and then pretends forever that she's telling the truth when she denies her choice.

This girl scares me. 

This idea of a girl scares me. 

That my daughter could be that girl, terrifies me. 

And to the newsanchor who actually asked "what does this girl have to gain by lying and causing such a big stir?" I answer- I don't know... 

But please, when someone (anyone) figures it out- let me know... 

bossy...

Slow week, and rather than blogging I need to be doing a trillion other things so, thought I'd just do it this way... 

- Have you entered the Little Angels Giveaway???? No? Do! 

- Have you seen this movie yet? It just went to our dollar theater here and I STRONGLY recommend- wherever you are, go see it. it's a feel good/encouraging movie. SEE IT! 

- I know I've been covering several things lately- I'm sorry... Several projects happened at once, but that's winding down. FORGIVE ME?!?!

- Have you ever had this pasta sauce??? Those of you who are veggie squeamish- don't be. It's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! Seriously... And seasonally, it's at Costco. And did i mention amazing? We used it last year and then it went away and we second guessed, could it really have been as good as we remembered? 

Heck yes, it was... 

TRY IT! 

- I did not win this, in the giveaway that thousands of people joined. I was a bit sad. That being said- it tops my Santa Wishlist because WOW, is it amazing... (MORE amazing than the sauce...) I won't tell you to buy it for me, that's just wrong... Besides, Santa will. Won't he? Maybe just cross your fingers for me. :) 

- Are you doing anything creative this weekend? What? SHARE! 

Enough of the bossiness, I need to walk away from the computer now and actually do something...

Theodora- Actress, Empress, whore... {A review}

The most recent title in Blogher's book club is Theodora by Stella Duffy. This is was a paid review for Blogher Book Club, but the opinions expressed here are entirely my own. 

Literally raised to be a child prostitute, Theodora of Constantinople’s story takes her from those tragic beginnings to becoming the empress of Rome and achieving Sainthood. While it is quite the story, very little is actually known about the real life of Theodora.  The things in which author Stella Duffy’s mind imagined being Theodora’s life left me disturbed. I really struggled with whether or not to start this post on that note, but here I am. I just couldn’t paint a deceitfully pretty image of a novel that left me a little scarred.

Throughout the course of her life, the loss of Theodora’s bear trainer father leaves a predominant hole within her. At age 5 though, when she is placed in the care of eunuch Menander, along with her sisters- she begins to reconcile that aching absence with Menander’s harsh abuses and disapproval. Menander’s purpose is to train the girls in his care to be actresses. Unfortunately, actresses bore little resemblance to what we know and were actually highly sexualized acrobatic dancers- (of sorts) who were used alluringly to entertain men visually until the ripe old age of 12 {TWELVE!!!} when they were ready to entertain them privately.  You know, in their bedrooms…

And so her story goes from bad to worse. She neglects her own eventual child, experiences tragic losses, whores herself out to anyone (including minors) to further her own desires. She steals, she lies, she manipulates, she has a freakish amount of overly detailed sex and all for the glory of what- religious advancement politically? I don’t know… Every time I sat down to this book I felt ill. Maybe the incidents overly adjective consumed, are mirror images of a past culture. If they are, I don’t want to know. Call me naïve, but as the mom of a young girl- and as a woman who was sexually abused as a child- this book deeply offended me. The idea that Theodora would be connected to Menander for the whole of her life, and seeking still for his in life AND beyond the grave approval just ate at me. Although I do empathize with her upbringing and the strong will she seemed to develop as a result- I felt nothing about her character to be relatable or more than one dimension-ally corrupt.

Critically, here is where I am at with this book- in Duffy’s attempt to write a work of historical fiction, I feel she fell incredibly short. Her dialogue and descriptions are more infused with modern dialect of an American era than anything historically based. Vulgarities and profanities are offensively stuffed throughout the pages of this novel in ways far more crass and vulgar than I would expect in any historical book- even one with content such as this. Which leads me to my next criticism in regards to the writing in/of this novel- the story. Though based more out of Duffy’s imagination than anything fully concrete- as a writer I can’t help wonder why anyone would want to tell this story at all. Obviously I am not the author, or any of the people quoted with their acclaim for this work of hers. I am however a woman, in an era where I thought we were trying to become better examples for future generations of women- proving that they do not have to whore themselves out to be successful. Spottlighting successful and strong women for others, as well as the growing generations of girls would take me far from Theodora's direction...

The fictional character of Theodora, (inspired by the real Theodora of Constantinople) is a non-redemptive and horrible person. I turned page after page, truly expecting every ugly detail to be stepping blocks for some major moment and some incredible redemption. One never came- and as for the big, life changing moment Theodora experiences- it somehow only served to offend me more.

I am not a prude in life, in film or in the books I read. That being said though, this book was too much and I could never recommend another soul sit through it. 

Little Angels... {A giveaway...}

Some time ago I learned about this new educational Christian DVD series that is being geared towards preschoolers, called Little Angels. The premise of the show is that preschool twins Zoe and Alex have 8 little angels who live with them and guide them throughout their days as they learn and grow. It is very cute, and very smart. Honestly, I felt the dialogue of the preschool twins was a little large. As they spoke, the first time I watched, I was certain they must have been 6 or 7 instead of preschool aged. This was an element that I decided I really liked though, because it allowed children the opportunity to grow with the characters. 

I was given the chance to sample it and I decided, what better way to do that then with a varying age range of kids? My sweet little test audience consisted of a two year old, a five year old, a six year old, a seven year old and my twelve year old, a bit begrudgingly. 

• The two year old LOVED it. Granted, she understood very little of what was going on within the developing story but I believe the simplicity of the animation attracted her. Every time one of the Little Angels would appear, she would clap and say Angel! 
• The five, six and seven year-olds did not grow bored, as I feared they might. They were engaged in the story and laughed, which was good. We talked about it afterwards and they each were able to communicate moments and things the episode had talked about. 
• My twelve year old was obviously beyond the video intellectually- HOWEVER, it held her attention, which surprised me. 

 Roma Downey (of Touched By An Angel fame) is the executive producer, and I loved watching the commentary about why she felt this product was important and the responsibilities we (as parents) have towards helping our children learn. {Even in something as simply as a DVD, I believe it's important for the creators and parents to come from the same place- what is best for the child.} Also, this series is written by Phil Lollar, who is the co-creator of Adventures in Odessey, which is one of Genny's absolute favorite things. Having been something special in my youth as well as my kids', this was an added bonus. 

Over all, i LOVED it. In comparison to other Christian shows geared towards this age range- I found it fresh. The songs are catchy in a smart and non-annoying way. Just really a great series for your preschool to kindergartners! 

Releasing yesterday, the first two DVDs and CDs are now available to purchase, HOWEVER- Grace Hill Media very generously offered to host a Little Angels giveaway for my readers! To enter, simply leave a comment with either an email address and a link back so I can get in touch with you if you win. If you post about this giveaway on facebook, google + or twitter, leave an ADDITIONAL COMMENT FOR EACH, with the time stamp, for extra entries. 

This giveaway will run until 12:01 a.m. on  Monday November 7th, so be sure to enter...