Here comes the sun...

Is there anything more symbolic in our society than a sunrise? It signifies so much. I, myself, have had many a sunrise moments where life seemed to get brighter and more beautiful after a darkish hell... I wouldn't necessarily say that my life is in a darkish sort of hell right now, because it isn't. My life is actually really great, but that's a different story... It's just that, well, the sunrise this morning reminded me that- every day, it's going to come... 

Sometimes I need the silliest reminders... 

Though I'm not going to get into it in such a public manner, Saturday brought with it some very ugly things that I had to face. I spent the majority of the weekend with a massive knot in my gut and always on the verge of feeling like I was about to be sick at my stomach. Sleep, since then, has been rough... Dreams even worse... But then the sunrise this morning reminded me of everything in my life. Everything good and beautiful, as well as everything gritty and difficult. Life is full of bad, and if we let it that can be overwhelming. Life is full of good too, of great even. It's just a matter of which we choose to look at... 

This morning I'm looking at the sunrise... 

This week I plan to: 

1} Read a book. (no, i did not do this last week... Gen got the chicken pox and everything sort of went down hill.) 

2} have fun with Genny. Good, quality fun. 

3} get creative, with Genny. 

4} cook 3 things/recipes I've never made before. 

5} get (at least) 2500 words of writing on the project, done. 

6} bake bread. (yes, i did do this last week, using my LAME breadmaker and it was awful. doing it by hand this time.) 

7} map out garden plan. 

8} hand write five notes/letters. 

9} try to forgive more. 

10} have a quality date night with Chw.

How's your week looking? 

Ain't too proud to beg...

I've decided to take the weekend off to hang out with my poor chicken pox ridden child... 

If that plan tanks though, I will come back to read blogs... But only to read them... That's it. No writing them. The reason is, of course, because I will be taking the weekend off... 

In the meantime though, I've got a completely ginormous favor to ask! It will only take a minute or so and i promise to love you forever, with undying gratitude, in return... 

At the top of my left side bar you'll see three super cool little options: 

1.) to subscribe to my blog. 

2.) to follow me on twitter. 

3.) to like my facebook page. 

Would you mind picking one, (or two, or three) and subscribing or liking? Seriously, I'd really appreciate it! 

And, one last thing, if you are feeling extra generous, just below my ads, on the right side, is my networked blogs badge. Follow me there too? 

You guys are seriously, the best... :) 

image from Minti.com

Moonlighting...

I should have known... 

I mean, it's not that I'm bitter about it or anything, because honestly I'm not. 

BUT, that being said, I should have known.

I'm a planner. It's what I do. But the funny thing about my best laid plans is that they seldom, (if ever) go the way I plan them. Sometimes, I'm ok with that. Other times, when it's all said and done, I'm able to look back and realize that things worked out better after all. 

I'll admit it though, there are times when I am just one giant, pouty cry baby about the whole entire thing... 

My son Lucas went into the army. The army told him he'd be graduating from his individual training next summer, in Missouri. Awesome! One of my absolute best friends lives in Missouri. Win/Win. 

But, if we've learned anything about the army, we have learned that what they say and what happens are two entirely different scenarios. Once he transferred from MO, mid training, the new plan was a Florida graduation. Panic set in, about cost and the distance from here to Florida- but in all of our new found wisdom and maturity, I rolled with those punches and an awesomely fantastic new plan emerged. Road Trip! 

But, alas, once I (in my stubborn and foolishly planned ways) had the route all laid out and told friends we were headed through their area- the Army mixed it up a bit... 

Alabama. MONTHS sooner than we'd anticipated. True panic set in... How would we get there? Which of us would be lucky enough to go? Insistent that we be there, (as if we'd miss it), I set about planning our third journey. Again, connecting with friends and ironing out all of the details. Miraculously, and against all odds, a plan came together in a way that would allow the three of us to go to Alabama... 

What happened next? Well... you know. Only this time it wasn't the Army as much as my son. He would rather have a party/reception when he came home the day after his graduation. After all, he was going to be here for almost a month. It would be awesome... Then, on his birthday, he'd be due to report to a base right next to my sisters home in Colorado. Perfect! 

I booked the venue, planned the date, and well, I am sure you can figure out what happened next... (the sum of that part of the story is far less than a month at home and no Colorado...)

Suffice it to say, it'll all work out, nothing like I planned but I laugh and smile because Lucas will be home (for however long he'll actually be here-) and it's all about him, not me... 

Feeling head-achy and a bit on the miserable side, I ran around Boise yesterday finalizing everything I could for the big event, because after an insanely busy Friday, we were heading out of town for a weekend at the Winter Festival up in McCall. We've been trying to go, for the past three years, and to no avail something has come up every time... (Starting to notice a pattern, yet? *smile*) 

Early, early Thursday morning Gen woke us up with shouts and crying, because her tummy hurt... 

Just after a miserable breakfast, later, Thursday morning I realized that she was covered with Chicken Pox. To add to the beauty of the kink in our better laid plans- we are BOTH quarantined because my "feeling crummy" could be some how linked to a flair up of the virus in me. Yippee... 

We're trading in beautifully carved ice art, birthday cake (niece) and family fun in the sunshine and great out doors for Caladryl lotion, oatmeal baths, and never ending redbox/Netflix watching... 

Nothing like I planned, but I'm ok with that. (or working on getting there anyway) I am pretty sure I'm not alone in my best laid plans winding up as sod for my reality... I am reassuring myself that the cow who was BFF's with Diddle Diddle, in the nursery rhyme, had only planned to stroll through a pasture when he accidentally jumped over that illustrated moon. I'm no fool, you don't have to tell me which option makes the better story, so I'll go with it and continue eating my ice cream for dinner. It doesn't matter that its night two of being the only thing I can swallow. I mean, hello!?!? It's ICE CREAM for dinner... 

Reaping the Benefits...

It's not often that a measly weekend can hold so much productivity...

And really, how lucky am I to be able to see such beautiful results from a little bit of hard work? 

But what better way to tuck a Wednesday evening into bed, than to remember a great weekend and look forward to the new one that is just around the corner? 

Shedding my bad girl ways...

In an effort to change my horrific ways, I've decided to resource some better behaviors, from a friend...

In all seriousness though, she's a COMPLETE genius and I do have some horrible habits that her revolutionary idea really spotlighted...

Like, for one: I am a compulsive list maker. I have, on an average day, three or four to-do lists going, at one time. It has happened less than 20 times, in my entire life of 34 years, that every tedious detail has been checked off and every task completed... The end result is always a resounding "you suck!" non-pep talk to myself...

But then, my google reader paved the way to her glorious post and i thought to myself- with a task list like that, life already sounded happier.

More peaceful...

So, I'm doing it. I'm buying a ticket for the fast train to living a life that can be both Type A anal and lead to days of seizing the moment and focusing on what matters.

{Clarifying, here and now, that I don't actually own sweat pants. I do own yoga pants and I'm not promising not to wear them... She, this friend of mine, is so much better than me.}

I do, however, plan to:
1} Bring my sewing machine out, (it intimidates me) and fix things/play.
2} Read a book. No pressure about what book, it just has to be a book- for me- in it's entirety.
3} Dance, everyday, for fun.
4} Play with my cricut.
5} Do yoga, at least twice. Twice is reasonable.
6} Listen to 5 cd's that i haven't listened to in a very long time.
7} Continue purging things we don't need or love...
8} Fill out the foster care paperwork.
9} Give myself a pedicure.
10} Bake home made bread.

I would love to hear what you are doing this week to make it a productive but beautiful one... 

Confession: I'm a total harlot...

Ok... Not really, but i feel like one. I am giving myself the Shame Award, and i completely deserve it!

Our homeschool co-op has a pretty reasonable dress code established. No bare midriffs, no cleavage... you know, the norm. One of these totally normal things is that no part of an undergarment, male or female, is exposed. Also, COMPLETELY reasonable. 

Except that, my shoulders really like to push my bra straps towards my neck. it's lame, i know. Usually my shirts are of the variety that over compensates for that, at least on co-op days. don't get me wrong, I never wanted to be THAT woman, you know, the one with the bra straps there for the entire world to see. Unfortunately, it happens. 

Sometimes a lot.

I've come to terms... 

So, this morning, I quadruple checked the compliance of my shoulders and straps, their ability to play nice with one another while also showing respect to my chosen shirt. Everything seemed amicably fine. 

Until, of course, we actually got to co-op... {Five minutes late, at that... I HATE to be late...} 

Apparently my bra straps felt that they were the socialites of the century and that everyone there was simply dying for an opportunity to see them up close and personal. 

This was the day that i had a dozen different people to meet with. {Of Course.} 

The day that i had to stand in front of the classroom and speak to a class full of children about public speaking and story telling. {*sigh*}

The day that the heat in the entire building was cranked up to 300 and the only thing I had to wear over said defiant straps and tramp shirt was a wool pea coat... {W-O-O-L}

May as well have just slapped a gigantic read A across my bodice and called it a day...

Seven Moments of Heaven...

{seventeen}

{eighteen}

{nineteen}

 {twenty}

{Twenty-one}

{twenty-two}

{twenty-three}

The Cheating and the Cheated...

At it's core, adultery is simply betrayal...

And yet, anyone who has ever been somehow connected to an adulterous affair can tell you that there is nothing simple about it. In most cases, hearts are broken, families are decimated, and usually everyone even slightly associated with the marriage affected sees their own lives altered and affected in unexpected ways... 

I remember... 

When my husband cheated on me, back in 1999, I had people (well meaning people, who loved us) ranting to me about how much my husband's actions had hurt them. We divorced. Friendships were broken. Two years later, when we (him and I) decided to pursue reconciliation, those same people were the ones shouting the loudest, telling me to steer clear of him and run as fast as I could- in the other direction. 

Every situation isn't mine, and I understand that. Still though, I've been wondering how many people would be able and willing to forgive and heal, if the people in their lives would support them? So often, as we support loved ones, we tend to merely push our own agenda based on our own hurts. 

Back to betrayal. Most of us are guilty. Maybe it's not sexual, but what about a long conversation with a co-worker about how unhappy we are at home? What about constantly spilling, to a girlfriend, about our husband's faults and flaws? How are these not also, betrayals? So you'll say But Misty, it's not the same! No, it's not the same, but in any relationship the standard should be "You are either FOR me, or AGAINST me." 

And folks, it really is that simple... 

Not every marriage can survive a betrayal, and that's sad because like I said, hearts are broken and families wind up torn apart. When you find yourself in the "friends and family members" category of that situation, (and unfortunately, with the divorce rate what it is- you probably will) do everyone a favor and wake up every morning- let go of your hurt- and love that person/couple. Even if it's something you have to wake up and do, everyday, for the rest of your life.

 Just do it.
Let go and love...

Whether you understand, or don't. Whether you approve or not, because it's not about you. You may have been super close, but you weren't there when the doors were closed and ultimately you don't know what happened in the quiet recesses of that marriage. While it takes two people to cheat, statistically it also takes two people to drive a marriage to the point where there is room for that in the first place... 

Because, turning your back on someone whose life has been turned upside down by an affair, and choosing to hand over your love for them in exchange for judgement- all the while justifying it because of all the "hurt they caused", is a betrayal too... and maybe one with an even bigger decimation range...

Stepping off my soap box now, thanks for listening... 

Image courtesy ofMajtorp's photostream   

My shiniest, proudest moment EVER...

Ok, So maybe not the proudest moment, ever, but I chuckled a little... 

While continuing my quest as to what direction I want my blog journey to head, lots of interesting articles have been mentioning that I should know my audience... 

OF COURSE! Why didn't I think of that? 

Naturally, my next step was to venture into my stats- as it was there that I would learn the truth. The truth like how Google brought me brilliant people searching for:

- rainy day in may. (thank you! really...) 

- disappointment in people. (not even sure. In me? Me in others? Most importantly- did they find what they were looking for?) 

- how many days are in may? (mkay) 

- how many rainy days are in may, every year? (hmm.) 

but this one took the cake:

- bloggers who think twilight sucks. Ha ha ha... 

{For the record: i loved the book, hated the movie and yet appear hypocritical because I've seen it a bazillion times... I'm sorry. Loved the soundtrack; can't stand Kristen Stewart. Totally Team Edward (due to the books) though i would absolutely jump on the bandwagon to wash Rob's hair for him- should he need some help... 

And yes, I do own a Twilight hoodie...

i think that about covers that...} 

Finally learning how to love...

I have been forced to consider, lately, what sort of blogger I want to be.

I love blogging. i love reading them and the sense of community that develops among bloggers. I've seen fellow bloggers move mountains to help one another in times of need, in ways that face to face community dwellers seem to fail at- these days... i am proud to be a blogger.

The sort of blogger I want to be is an authentic one. Firm in who I am, and what I believe. Honest, not pompous, about me...

While pondering all of these deep things, lately, {like blogging, closing the doors of my business, how to further grow our family, etc...} I came across something which struck me in a completely profound way... You see, I was feeling immensely guilty because I hadn't made specific quiet time to read or pray in a week. I knew these feelings were my own issue because God is not a god of guilt, but i also knew that things would go more smoothly if I would make the time. {Making the time seems to be my constant struggle, in all areas} Rather than pressuring myself with "homework", to catch up on my reading, I just picked up where I left off- still feeling that nagging guilt eating away at my spirit.

And then, there it was: We are called to love God and to love others. it is in the evidence of how we love others as to whether or not we are truly loving God. Furthermore, loving God is not about an emotion at all, but about a commitment to put God first.

Wow. While I am sure there are many of you thinking "yeah, and? Get to the point." my point is, WOW. All of these years i've feared (again, the fear part comes from me, I get it) that my heart wasn't loving (emotion) God enough... My fickle heart has fallen obsessively in love with a movie, band or designer handbag (I'm sorry!) and worried that my new favorite thing would push God out of the lead contender position, for my love.

i have been so wrong. Even when I made the most horrible mistakes, God blessed me with an amazing husband and three of the most beautiful kids in the world. When I've been financially irresponsible, I've still always had a home and every other need. I've been loving God with my heart for so long, hoping beyond hope that I had it right- and I'm not saying loving God with emotion is a bad thing- but it's about time I get the life part down...

{I haven't forgotten my 365, I've just decided to start posting them in weekly shots... And, as gorgeous as this photo is, I'd love to take credit for it, but it's actually from the happy pill, at wordpress dot come.}

Authenticity, granted...

This morning is the first day, all week, that I've had a moment at my computer...

Truthfully, I sort of love that I don't have computer moments every day. Even more truthfully though, as a writer, i really should...

It's that ever-questing strive for balance. It's my inability to juggle everything- like wholesome cooking, laundry, errands, education, a business...

Don't get me wrong, i love to write. I love, as sick as it sounds, to edit. I love it all. The process. The creativity. The sublimely euphoric feel that comes with it... Is born, again and again, because of it... BUT- i get distracted. Distractions like my ever mounting google reader and facebook.

I have decided to proceed no longer, with RDIM... It was a tough decision. I've loved it so much. I have loved the amazing experiences I've had, and people I have met through it. I am so grateful for the experience and the doors that it opened. It was a very short journey, at just under three years, but so much bigger than I'd ever thought. Owning a photography business is really rewarding and, if I wasn't a homeschool mom AND a writer {first and foremost} i would continue it... The three things are each time consuming, and life sucking, on their own. I knew that I had to cut one and, though I struggled with the decision, it was the obvious choice. I have a wedding this weekend, for a dear friend, and a few miscellaneous appointments scattered throughout the next few weeks. January 31st is the last official day though... I've already began referring clients and each time I feel better about my decision.

I want to lead an authentic life, and I can't do that if I'm not being honest with myself by taking on far more than I can handle. Managing many things, half heartedly, isn't managing them at all. That's what I've learned through all of this...

I am EXCITED for the next chapter in my life as a wife, mother and writer... A lot of things are happening, big changes are coming. Two thousand eleven is a BIG year for my family and i really hope you'll come along...

photo courtesy of Get Entreprenurial

{The best and the worst of...}

{fifteen}

{sixteen}

Weird, WEIRD weekend...

the best and the worst:

Best- Amanda made it home safe and it was so good to hug that girl and have her home.

Worst- she came home with food poisoning- which made for a horrendous day of flying, for her.

Best- found out when Lucas will be home between training and his station. Can not wait.

Best- 90 minute massage.

Worst- it was all work on my torn up shoulder. it hurt something awful and I still am in so much pain.

Best- a lovely bit of time with my family, out and about, before we picked up Amanda from the airport.

Worst- the mall. I detest the mall. loathe it. And when we went to exchange a very (once) overpriced pair of jeans for Gen, we left $13 richer. THIRTEEN DOLLARS...

Best- puppy snuggles.

Worst- puppy ending up in the ER for a double inner ear infection.

Best- finding a game we love (were introduced to it on NYE)

Worst- not getting to play it yet.

Best- Golden Globes... yay.

Worst- Anne Hathaway's dress...

Best- hubby made pancakes and we lazed around in comfy clothes all day playing with the cricut and being creative.

Worst- having to stay home and miss church...

Best- the rain.

Worst- the cold and gloom...

Best- that no matter where life takes me, I'll always have an ocean view... (see image sixteen...)

well, it's too late now...

{fourteen}

365 life : v. the act of capturing one photograph, per day, from life.

life= my life, because this is my blog.

On January 1st i decided that compiling my most beloved recipes onto an online database would be organizational and way to help me simplify things... pretty much, I was a giant dummy. It's going to take me all freaking year- ALL year... ALL. YEAR. LONG.

Or maybe forever.

Nutshell: this is totally a photo of my life...

Dumb da dun dunt...

{thirteen}

Talking with Chw tonight, about the birds and the fish that are dying. About scared people blanketing themselves in fear about the end times...

Like just after the world trade center...

and the school shootings...

and the embassy bombings...

and Waco...

and, most recently, Tucson...

Gosh we really flock to fear, don't we? As a people...

and how arrogant are we, as Americans, to think that our birds, and our fish, and our shootings signify that Heaven is moving and we best be ready? Do we even stop to think about the horror that entire other nations see, every second of every day? Do you think they are losing sleep over our dead birds? Nope.

And so, when I whine and complain about my 40 degree winter Thursday, I should be ashamed... that's 40 degrees warmer than a whole lot of American people who aren't used to nasty winter weather.

which is kind of creepy because... well... do you think it means that???

Come on people, we haven't a clue about how bad things can be and a lot of those people pray with their whole might for the end to be near so let's move on- away from the fear and live our lives the best we can...

The post where I talk about tv, and why it may not be rotting my brain...

{twelve}

This is our day, today. Wednesdays are always our heavier school/home day. It's our routine, I kinda like it that way. Anyway, as Gen sits here scribbling out math problems (dividing decimals- YUCK!) I got to thinking about something pretty shallow, or maybe not, that's been on my mind lately...

Chw & I spent a good part of Saturday through last evening watching Season 2 of the United States of Tara, after Gen went to bed. We first learned of the Showtime series, back in 2009. Toni Collette is one of my all time favorite actresses and so I {quite impatiently} waited for season one to arrive to Netflix. Miraculously (or at least I felt so) we ended up being snowed in, on New Years Eve, and so that marathon commenced and i fell in love with a smart and vital show...

When it takes a year of patience and waiting, to watch a show you love, you really get tested on two things: self control & loyalty.

Self control- with everything available, online, it can be hard not to ask questions, or dig for information.

loyalty- a year is a long time. losing interest wouldn't be that tough.

This Sunday is the Golden Globes. {Yay!} i mention this because, roughly five or six years ago, I was one of the many who criticize the globes for giving the majority of "wins" to premium channel series... I would be the one rooting strongly for an ABC or NBC favorite, when suddenly HBO's Six Feet Under (for example) would be announced... Their weird little techno theme song would fill the air and I would throw my fist against my knee in frustration. {confession: i get wayyy too involved.} Having only ever seen Sex and the City {Which, incidentally had lots of sex, and lots of city} I was convinced that the reason these shows were winning is because they had few rules and could show all of the immorality they wanted. Then, one evening we were perusing through the high def- cable channels and wondering what was so special about them anyway- {note inserted to point out that we are not as critical and negative as this post is making us-me- sound} when Peter Krause appeared on my TV. He was having dinner with what appeared to be his family. Instantly, the critic in me was captivated by every ounce of essence this show had. I need to point out here that I wasn't even captivated by the shows I did watch, so for me to know nothing about these characters or what was actually going on- and be so "tuned in"- was a big deal. Turns out that, when the credits rolled about 6 minutes later, the show was none other than my Golden Globes nemisis- Six Feet Under...

About a week later I was diagnosed with the early stages of an aggressive form of breast cancer. I was put on a weird medication that made me a little lethargic and super depressed, (or maybe the diagnosis- which you may remember turned out to be a giant load of BS- was the cause of the depression... who knows, anyway-) I couldn't get that show out of mind, and so, i started getting the seasons from the library.

Roll your eyes, if you want, but that show {from beginning to end} walked me through the darkest days of my life. Beautiful, poignant and yes- sometimes pretty offensive {Just like life, folks, sorry to say} it inspired me to take a lot of inventory in regards to my life. It was far more than entertainment, it was engaging and relevant. And yes, it did have sex- but that never really interested me so I grew to love the chapter skip options that much more.

The United States of Tara reminded me of those dark days, this week. If you aren't familiar with the plot- it's basically about a woman who has Dissociative Identity Disorder. It is brilliantly written and acted {thank you John Corbin and Toni Collette} but honestly, it is remarkably relevant to my own life. I am so grateful that my husband curled up beside me, on that gold couch, to watch this one (as he chose NOT to do with SFU, the stinker) because there have been many moments that felt like my own personal therapist coming at me from the tv.

The point of this long winded post about tv, of all things, is simply that there is mindless entertainment, for entertainments sake- and sometimes there is something more. There are people working hard to bring us a story that may challenge us, inspire us, open our eyes or prick our hearts. It's not all bad, just like it isn't all good. Too much of anything is horrible, and maybe entertainment related things fall into the "even more so" category...

Today I am being honest with myself about me. My issues. My struggles. And I am being grateful too. Gratefully acknowledging that, for the first time in maybe EVER, I am admitting that my quality of life has actually been affected in a beautiful way, by television...

365- {eleven}...

365- {1-10}...

As i shared, the new year brought my computer with a bit of a nervous breakdown. Poor thing... needless to say, Chw rebuilt her system and she seems to be working well again. Tonight was my first attempt to upload new photos and so far, so good...

So, a bulk edition of my 365...

{one}

{two}

{three}

{four}

{five}

{six}

{seven}

{eight}

{nine}

{ten}