Happy sighs...

This is the first year where I didn't sit back and feel like I was robbed of some special Christmas moment. Typically, like a whirlwind the holiday happens and then I sit back, dizzy, wondering when it did... This year though, Christmas seemed to blanket weeks. Not the day, of course, but the spirit... The day, actually, came like more of a restful after thought.

Actually, I think I kinda liked it this way...

We had Christmas with my mom and that side of my family in November when we were in New Mexico. It made the most sense to do a Thanksmas there, in person. A couple of weeks later we followed that with a Christmas dinner and gift exchange with my foster sister and her family, here at home. When Christmas parties and cookie swaps trailed close behind, we were swept up in cups of cocoa, candy canes and Christmas movies. {Thanks, Hallmark!}

Honestly, I loved every second of this Christmas season. I loved, as we all know, the giving of gifts. {Not so much a fan of opening them.} I loved the dinners. {Loathe the baking, *sigh*} Enjoyed the shopping. {Could have done without the parking.} Chw and i kept it simple. I gave him Jeff Dunham tickets and he bought me a 90 minute massage and a 60 minute facial for the Monday before Christmas. It was, by far, the best way to kick off a usually stress filled week!

The best moment, I'd have to say, was locking the doors and turning out the lights when all three of my kids were home and asleep. I love that. Chw too... Whenever they are all here, (those days are less and less) he will sigh contentedly and tell me he is at his happiest. Me too, husband...

The best gifts I have ever been given, are right here...

And they aren't actually mine. Not a one of them, but I will hold them close and claim them anyway because they are my everything...

i hope your Christmas was filled with beauty and blessings... Happy Twenty-Eleven! May it be filled with even more beauty and oh-so-much love...

Last Minute Wishes...

The only person who really shops for me on Christmas is my husband, and he pretty much just gets what ever the last thing was, that I said. Being the one who shops for everyone, i've learned that it's nothing personal and i'm ok. Within reason I could probably buy just about anything, if it fell into our budget, so I'm not complaining...

I've added a few last minute things to my list...

I LOVE this sweater... perfect for winter days at home, cups of tea in hand...

And this umbrella? LOVE IT. We all know I have a thing for umbrellas anyway, but this one is divinely fantastic! Clear, polka dots and yellow= perfect for the impending rainy spring!
And these shoes... I am a CLOG LOVER... and these are just adorable, and look super comfy!

I Just Wanna...

I've been thinking a lot on writing, these days...

With complete passion I tackled my NaNo project, last month, with record speed and it felt really good. It felt good to meet the needs of my family and meet a deadline.

And anyone who fancies themselves a writer will complete get it when I say: it simply felt good to write.

Like I was complete.

Interestingly enough, as I've mentioned, my work camera died last month as well. In that moment I felt suffocated and had the world's largest panic attack {which eventually faded, but did reappear from time to time over the week + which followed...} In that time we've shopped and shopped and searched for an attainable replacement, I've began to question how much I really want this... this photography thing. It isn't so much the hesitation at shelling out $1200 for a new Canon, (but don't get me wrong- i refuse to shell out that much money anyway) as much as a questioning of where I'm at with it all. I LOVE doing photos. LOVE it. I love living behind the lens of my camera and all, but do I love doing it as a business? I don't know.

It's been really fun, most of the time.

But whenever that inevitable introductory question comes up, you know the one, the: so, what do you do? Well, I very seldom answer: I'm a photographer.

Two years ago, when Chw and I decided to take on the challenge it felt a lot different than it feels now. It was an idea exciting, and artsy and full of energy...

And now?

Now I just want to simplify and feel less pulled...

And honestly, I just want to write.

NaNo felt so good. It re inspired something within me that I haven't seen for awhile. Easily since before we started RDIM. If I were to be honest, I don't think I'm successfully able to do both. I am realizing that about myself. Perhaps if I wasn't a mom, {or even a homeschooling mom, of a child with RAD and hoping to grow our family at least once more...} if I wasn't a wife... If I wasn't a lot of things, BUT I am those things and those things come before any interests or passions I have, of my own. I don't want to be the wife who puts mediocre meals on the table, amidst a chaotically busy week in which I take adequate photos of paying clientel, and then burn the midnight oil typing away some half hearted novel. My way of coping, in the past two years, has simply been to not write.

And it took writing again to really show me how much of me I've been missing.

It's all a lot of deep soul searching that is likely stemming from the fact that I'm functioning of just a few hours of sleep after an incredibly late night followed by a super early morning and a fairly sick kid... hmm...

thoughts?

These are a few of...

my new favorite things...

You see, my stocking swap package came, on Saturday. While i was busy saucing berries and roasting a turkey and a ham, my mail lady came do the door- package in hand.

I have loved EVERY SECOND of filling the stocking I'm sending. I do not have enough faith in my crafty abilities to make it's contents, but have spent weeks selecting the most fitting little things. It had possibly been the highlight of my Christmas shopping... But then emails have been coming in, as women are receiving theirs. Many tears over gratitude and how loved and blessed these simple stockings made them feel. My heart began to feel more and more full as I heard about these gifts and how blessings were spewing out all over the place. It has been AWESOME! So awesome that my mind is reeling with possibilities for future swaps.

Anyway, back to my stocking... I LOVE it. SO MUCH... My swapper, (not sure if she would want me to link to her blog or not) is a gem. Not only does she have THE COOLEST stationary on the planet (please tell me where you got it???) but she is the craftiest, most clever girl I may know. With every item being unearthed I felt my spirit confirm that I have been blessed by a new friend.

This is my adorable stocking. I LOVE it, SO much!

{How cute is that sweet little bird??? And the

fur around the top is so soft...}

I have been seeing these little book page projects all over

the internet. I have thousands of pages in my craft stuff from a

book gutting project last year and I've been tempted to do something

like this, but would never have done as good a job! She's so talented!

Isn't it beautiful?

I go weak in the knees for old books. This one though, is my new favorite!

Yes that does say Standard Handbook for Secretaries, and let me tell you,

this book is FANTASTIC! So much so that I kind of forgot about my cranberry

sauce, which boiled over and made a big mess, because my nose was in this

wonderfully old book...

This adorable little framed Christmas decor melted my heart.

Christmas is a tough time, due to RAD, around our house. It used

to be my FAVORITE time of year, but the season is so hard that I've

developed a bitter taste for it. This frame magically restored something

for me... (and she even monogrammed it with my initials! So sweet!)

Adorable sachets of bath salts... SO cute!

{LOVE}

Amazing loose leaf tea... heaven.

and my new love: ruffled scarves. It's a new thing and I'll have to go

back and look but I didn't thought I put that in the questionnaire. And yet, here in this box

was this ADORABLE ruffled scarf. Even Chw, who cares little for such things,

thought it was pretty cool... We have our dress up Christmas family date this

friday and I am TOTALLY wearing this scarf!

And finally, these adorable trees! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them!

They are also made of old book pages, {Swoon... words. i heart words}

I think I should fly her here for a workshop. I need to learn.

And, of course, since we were having Christmas dinner, that evening,

we immediately placed them at the center of our table and they were

the talk of the table.

And here is where I ended up hanging my super sweet book-page

wreath. My ten year old niece was awed by how cool it was. {She's a smart girl}

Such an amazing experience! Thank you, my AMAZING stocking filler! Thanks to the girls who swapped...

Just a hair grateful...

I'm learning...

Or at least trying.

I find that it isn't that I am ungrateful by nature as much as I am easily distracted.

And that I have a love/hate relationship with my hair. Well, wait... Let me rephrase that. I had a love/hate relationship with my hair.

I am blessed with naturally curly hair that i love to have straightened. There are curly days, when I'm grateful for my hair, but most of the time I love it when my hair is straightened. When the Brazilian Blowout made itself pretty popular here, it soared to the very top of my Christmas wishlist. However, when I heard about all of the negative effects, possibilities and stuff- I decided against it. While I was getting my roots touched up, I was told that a great alternative would be a compression perm. At the word perm, I shuddered but was immediately assured that it would be that kind of perm. Word in the shop had been that the procedure would unify my curls, make them a bit bigger/bouncier and my hair all around easier to manage.

I made the appointment for after we got back and went in completely excited. I slid around on icy roads to make it on time, the day of the appointment. Visions of body filler curls and glorious hair filled my imagined Christmas season.

That's the end of the pretty part.

The entire procedure was nightmarish. I've never felt so much induced head pressure. To say that it through me into a massive migraine would be an understatement. That aside, however, I still found myself optimistic that- though I would NEVER go through it again- it would still be ok.

It wasn't.

I have the dryest, most fried afro. My hair is coarse and kinky. It's awful. HORRIBLE.

And then I was reminded that, had I only been grateful to begin with.

Because now? Now I miss my hair. I've cried so much, and I feel so shallow crying over my hair.

So yeah... Gratitude. Maybe a large portion of it is perspective based, but my goal is to try and be more there...

Oh yeah, and if anyone ever tells you that it is not that kind of ______, run- because it's probably worse...

Things that keep us going...

Several months ago, I logged into blogger and realized that my blog was dead.

There had been things that had occurred, in the real life spectrum of things, which had left me uninspired to continue it. Even so, Rainy Day and I had been together for SOOOO long, it seemed incomprehensible to just ax her. So, I held off. I posted infrequently with photos and such, just something to keep her sustained until I knew for sure...

And then NaNo happened, and I realized that I'm not really ready to be done, as a blogger. Because this blog is attached to my name I may be a lot more selective about the information I choose to share AND I have removed quite the majority of my archives- (for that same reason) but I'm not ready to see her go.

And yeah, my blog IS a girl. :) She's obviously indecisive and quite often emotional- so it makes sense.

I realize I will have to rebuild my readership, which is ok.

NaNo inspired me to actually write again, for the first time in a long time. It restored something inside of me, and apparently just in time. Big things are brewing on the forefront of my life and quite honestly, I can't imagine braving the storm without blogging...

If you happen to be someone who is still reading, thanks. :) I've gotten some really great emails and love in regards to whether or not I'd return here. I can't tell you what they have meant. I guess essentially that means I can't imagine braving on, without you...

Out with the old, in with the new...

Being a RAD family, tradition has becoming an increasingly important part of our holiday season. It was our second Christmas that our daughter made it known that ornaments were the key part of that. Here we are, eight Christmas' later and we decided to mix it up for the first time.

Last year, even she had to admit the tree was looking a little tired. She wanted a smaller tree to design herself, so we went with that. Though we would still sit by the glow of the tree lights, of an evening, we all began to look dreamily at the decorations in the stores and imagine something completely new and different.

So, this year, we unanimously agreed to take the plunge.

We bought a crisp white artificial tree. It's beautiful!

Last Christmas, a sweet friend had sent me a Breast Cancer Awareness ornament. Because last year had resembled a difficult year in that area (a false diagnosis, months of fear and worry, etc.) it was even more special for me. So, naturally this was the first ornament to dangle- and complete inspiration for the rest...

Hot pink, grey and silver...

Viola:

The beautiful butterfly ornament we purchased from Bronnor's the year my mom Julie passed away...

strings of glass and dozens of glass, "diamond" style ornaments...

Loads of glitter, sparkles, glimmer and complete girliness...

with a Tiara, to boot...

and, of course, a disco ball...

My husband even loves it, because it's different.

Not being overly girly, or a big fan of pink, even I'm surprised

how much I truly do adore it. :)

Snowfall...

For Idaho, we have an above average amount of snow.

It's fitting really, that on the first day of December we woke up to an abundance of beautiful mounds of untouched white winter beauty. My daughter is begging to go mash it and roll it up, creating fortresses with snow guards. Though I appreciate her enthusiasm, from inside I am opposed to such changes.

What i am in favor of is baking something warm and delicious.

That in and of itself is strange. I loathe baking...

I am bewitched by the magic of such winter beauty, I suppose.

There isn't any other explanation.

Today technically kicks off the Christmas season for our family. I love Christmas, it's the best. My son will be home from military training for the first time since July, and we can not wait to see him. I can not wait to see him.

But, it is with a heavy heart that Christmas is here. There are so many things to be sad and worried about. {I know, i know, with all of my might I continue to hand over the worry} And even yet, nearly every day, life gets a little bit darker and a little bit heavier.

Rather then wishing on airplanes, I've decided to cast my wishes on the snowflakes, which are still falling. Surely there is a little piece of Christmas magic in them, somehow...