As a blogger, do you ever have this thing bubbling up inside of you which feels larger than life? So much so, that every time you come near your computer, your fingers sort of throb and ache to put it all out there?
I imagine, hypothetically speaking, it would be so much worse if there were several "really big" things I could just throw to the world, and nervously await feedback on.
But then again, this is a blog...
Things like that aren't always in one's best interest. In this case, definatly not.
In a book I am reading, (which is a large part of this inner stirring) there is a line which sums it up pretty well. The main character is talking about a break up she endured and she says "at that point, everything hurt so badly that it seemed like nothing else in the world mattered or existed. Now though, years later, I remember the hurt but I also notice that the world kept moving and I guess I regret not moving too."
I guess that's how it is... Often times, especially when hurt and fear are running rampant in our hearts and minds, we see only that. How sad is that? So often we tell ourselves that we are there for someone, but in the end it's on our terms. It's when they fit into our lives...
I don't want to be that person.
I experienced that sort of friendship, a lot, over the past 6 years and i simply don't want to protrude that in to the lives of others. That ill treatment of others is one of the things we had boldly written on our "Why to leave Michigan" list, and in the end, something we are so grateful to be out from under.
On another note, I once again need your wisdom...
I am sure some of you will remember my most recent post about my sister S... Well, the long and the short of it is this: It's not that we don't love her. We do. It's not that we don't miss her or the kids, because oh my gosh do we. So much that we ache! It's not that we are being conditional because, although she is in the brink of some REALLY stupid choices, I love her. A lot.
It's that I just can't stand the drama. It's that my heart hurts because she gets wrapped up in things she knows we won't approve of, and so she pulls back and stops including us. She's always done that, and because she is "so much", we would often welcome the break with a sigh of relief... But when our little girl ADORES her aunt S so much, it's a really painful thing.
S's birthday is tomorrow.
I just don't know what to do. I am so conflicted. SO conflicted...
Do I call her? Do I seek resolution??
13 comments:
I think you should acknowledge her birthday. I think. For your daughter's sake, to show her that the way others act should not dictate who we are. But I don't think you should get all involved-like again.
Maybe send flowers and a card made by Genny. Something with a little distance.
I have to agree with farm suite -- you need to acknowledge it for Genny's sake but don't need to suck yourself back into the whole drama. You do love her and want her to know that - so an acknowledgment of her special day in some sort of way would show that to her.
So far, I agree with the previous comments. Be the bigger person - be a better example, and give some sort of attention to the special day (especially for Genny), but use the wisdom you've gained from the past and keep yourself just a little further from the fire than you normally would. Nobody likes getting burned. In the same spot. By the same person. Repeatedly.
i agree that sending her something from Genny would be appropiate.
my stand is that i will let family like this be involved in our lives to a point. i will love them and be there for them - to a point. when they are endangering my family or hurting my children, they are outta here. my dad is in and out of our lives a few times a year. he knows we love him (otherwise he would be sooo out of the picture compeletly!) and that we are praying for him and stuff, but we just can't let him too deeply. We'll just get hurt. Again.
i just have to let it go and try not to get too involved. (ha ha, right?) but my first priority is to my family here - my husband and children. i need to protect them from this other person.
does that help?
Can you just send her a sweet card or a small bouquet of flowers? Something simple but sweet.
No advice here, I have not spoken to or seen my sister in at least 2 years, it's too heart breaking for my kids for her to be in and out of our lives. I do understand though, it's tough. Do what's in your heart.
I think, you should call her. For so many reasons, I know that this will be hard, I know that you must swallow everything and be ready to accept her and her baggage back. But, I also think that you seem to miss her terribly, and just the possiblity of having a quick conversation and hearing her voice may help the healing process. There is always the possiblitiy that you get to leave a message and maybe that is the best option. Sounds unsentimental - but sometimes that is just the baby step needed. That is just my humble opinion - I know with 2 sisters in my life that I need them to be a part of it no matter what they are doing and that sometimes you may need a break, but in the end you need them.
You guys have some great advice...
in re: to sending her something- I don't know where she is. I know she left her husband for some guy at a gas station. I could leave it at a neutral location, maybe. We sort of have a neutral friend (sort of) and that's a possibility. If that would work, it could be a GREAT idea. I just don't know if I'm ready to see her. More importantly I don't know if I'm ready to drag Genny along to see her. She misses her aunt and cousins, but has been fairly sheltered from the whole thing.
I am the grudgemaster, so I'll hold out on advice. The last time I made an effort to build bridges and get over drama, it backfired and things were much worse after the fact. That jades me considerably.
Good luck!
ahhh regrets.. the world still moves... it sucks doesn't it? I wish it could stop sometimes...
re: we have a sister something of the phychotic sort.. she lives a mile down the road, yet we don't talk or purposely make contact with her. we see her at family events, but do not make a big deal out of anything with her because she is like a sick virus that keeps infecting us and WE CAN NOT take part in the tactics that she does or represents. We love her very much; she knows we love her, but she totally doesn't understand that she is ill, nor does the rest of her family (dh's side).. so as to safe guard us my children we have stepped back.. If you don't celebrate everyone else's birthday, I wouldn't do it; not out of hate or anger, but b/c it is needed to stay separate. (ie. Josh had his first bday and we did not invite aunty's only grandmas and she still a fit saying everyone hates her) If your anything like me.. I go back and forth from wanting to try and "fix the problem" but we know we can't... I guess what I'm saying is if you've talked with her and made your distance I would be very leary of opening yourself up to something if you think it may get out of control.. your children are important and yes, you should be generous and gracious in all things-- and you can do that in this situation.. it just doesn't have to be close... the older I get, the more i'm learning that family isn't always the ones that we're related to by blood... and some of them are toxic to us. (lol I'm trying not to sound so negative lol but I don't think it's working).. re: siblings, I've stopped gifts for all of dh's siblings, not just this particular person.. anyhow, I oculd go on cuz i am probably not making much sense lol.. oh well!
hugs my friend!
absolutely fantastic advice and exactly where I'm at! Thanks!
Send her a birthday card because you want to, without expectation.
Send her a note, without expectation.
Text her that you love her, without expectation.
It is a hard road and I have walked it to the other side. Without expectation.
I just read the post about your sister to understand more about what you are dealing with. I can totally relate to this. My brother is an addict (sober for over a year, but we are always on edge waiting for the other shoe to drop). My kids adore him and his girlfriend, but it is so hard to continue to watch him make terrible choices with his life (even though he is sober he seems to seek bad situations).
I guess I would agree with most of the others who said to send her a card or gift from your daughter. That seems like a neutral enough choice so that you aren't getting too involved in her situation again.
Good luck and know that someone else understands what you are going through.
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